August 21, 2007

While-ing the hours away

Well, not really. I have two deadlines tomorrow but I can't think of anything property-related, which really doesn't augur well for me since I've been told that ALL my bosses have read this blog. Wise men would probably advise me to stop putting incriminating actions down in ink, and they'll be 100% right.

I mean, the day I get fired, my boss'll ask me into his room, and I'll find myself facing a mountain of blog posts detailing my flagrant abuse of office resources, all printed out from our super-cool Minolta printer. No words will be needed. I will quietly slink away with my stuff and a potted plant (not that I have one now) in those brown cardboard boxes like they do in HK serial dramas.

Why does this post exist then? It's widely known I'm not terribly bright, so blehh.

Anyway, instead of working like a productive little citizen, I came up with a brand spanking new slogan for MCA.

MOAR Backbone!!11!


PS: Because I am lazy, I have not inserted any links to the MCA's General Assembly 2007, or Ong Ka Ting, or Wee Meng Chee, or Nazri, or Badawi. Google is your friend.

August 08, 2007

Don't tell your kids to "Shut up and eat your food!"

Via Bernama, Zainuddin Proposes Classification Of Web Bloggers
"We have to control this. It is feared that these (blog sites) will be misused by those who have an agenda to spread slander. By right, there should be a mechanism to control this phenomenon, including by classifying web bloggers as professionals and non-professionals," he said.

Via The Star, Zam: Few people read blogs
Political web blogs have a very small following of about 20,000 people, Information Minister Datuk Seri Zainuddin Maidin said.

“Only that number out of the 11 million Internet users in the country are actively involved in political blogs. The political bloggers just write for each other to read; they are not a threat,” he added.

Via Malaysia-Today, (cos mainstream media links have expired QQ) Bloggers see red over tourism chief's 'insults'
Tourism Mnister Tengku Adnan allegedly quoted saying,

'All bloggers are liars. They cheat people using all kinds of methods. From my understanding, out of 10,000 unemployed bloggers, 8,000 are women.'

He apparently also said: 'Bloggers like to spread rumours; they do not like national unity. 'Today, our country has achievements because we are tolerant and compromising. Otherwise, we will have civil war.

'Malays will kill Chinese, Chinese will kill Malays, Indians will kill everybody else.'

Via Bernama, Bloggers Who Slander Must Be Brought To Book, Says Khairy
"There are no laws in the cyberworld except for the law of the jungle. As such, action must be taken so that the "monkeys" behave,"

Via The Star, Zam: Ignore ‘goblok’ bloggers
The public should be wise in identifying the websites of goblok (Indonesian slang for “stupid”) bloggers, who are willing to be tools of others to destroy the nation.

There are many more, but I got tired of googling after I hit the fifth.

"So Saffy," you say, "I see tons of exposition, but what's the connection?"

The way I see it, if nothing else convinces you to train your kids to think before they speak, the above five examples should lure you to the dark side. In fact, if I ever have kids, I'ma gonna go to the national library, look through the archive of old newspapers (which I have already done twice, for assignment purposes) and photocopy EVERY ridiculous quote I find over, say, a period of six months. At the rate our highly-esteemed YBs are going, I should have my pickup truck filled in no time.

After that, I'ma gonna wallpaper my kid's room with those quotes. Every time *he doesn't give me a good reason why I should buy him an iPod or whatever it is kids these days hanker after, I'm going to push his face an inch from the closest quote and say, "You don't wanna turn out like that, do you? DO YOU?!"

Then he'll give me a dazzlingly good reason why I should spend my hard-earned money on him, and I'll be convinced, and everyone will be happy.

This works when you're exchanging frank and honest opinions about thermonuclear armament, the viability electro-magnetic pulses in a real war, Mahathir vs Badawi (c'mon, that's not even an argument anymore), Communism vs Capitalism, abortion, gay rights, whatever floats your boat. Cos, you know, my kids won't grow up to be idiots whose mouths are perennially stuck in their asses. Or, at least, they'll remove their heads from their sphincters before they open their mouths. That's good enough for me, really.

PS*: Before you scream sexism, I like boy kids. That's not sexist, that's a preference.

PS2: I'm hankering after an iPod too!

July 30, 2007

Contradiction much?

The Star headline.
"No crackdown on bloggers", sez Najib.

BBC headline, appearing one day after the joker above.
"Malaysia cracks down on bloggers"


July 26, 2007

What am I doing with my life?

I think there comes a time where everyone questions the direction their lives are taking. I'm currently selling my soul at an advertising agency, peddling unnecessary stuff to people with money to burn. Before I graduated I wanted to
a) join Off the Edge
b) join Malaysiakini
c) be a social activist

180 degrees, I know. c) is still on, but right now, I need to know what I want before I can make a decision on what to do. Whatever course I choose to take, I must be good at what I do.

So who am I?
I advocate freedom of information, especially pertaining to elections. It's called an "informed decision" for a reason.
I am pro gay rights.
I am pro choice.
I advocate action instead of yapping, including sometimes-unorthodox methods to get the point across.

Who do I join?

July 25, 2007

Guess the occupation

Wednesday, 25 July
At an undisclosed location in Section 14...ok lah it's Secret Recipe.

Me: Can we have the Frozen Orange Cheesecake?
Secret Recipe Girl: Sorry, frozen line has been discontinued.
Me: Apasal didn't take it down from your website? -_-
Secret Recipe Girl: You can try Marble Cheesecake.
Me: Hazelnut Cheesecake got?
Secret Recipe Girl: Don't have, sorry.
Me: Raspberry?
Secret Recipe Girl: Don't have also. You want to try Lemon Cheesecake?

I concur with his vehemence. I mean, sour cheesecake? SRSLY?

Finally we settle on Classic Cheesecake, or maybe it was New York, I forgot. I'm not a huge fan of cheesecake, the way I'm not a huge fan of cockroaches. When we were waiting for the birthday message to be written on the cake, MYSTERY MAN said,

"Can we have it in Helvetica font? Bold the "Gratz" please, and make it bigger than the rest of the sentence, thanks."

To her credit, Secret Recipe Girl didn't sock him over the head with her rolling pin, so all was well. Now guess what MYSTERY MAN does for a living.

PS: Birthday message was "Gratz! 1 year older!" Lame, I know. I wanted it to say "You're 1 year closer to death!" but seeing that the cake was for my boss, it would be career suicide.

June 08, 2007

Misc bathroom observations

In the vein of talking about toilets, the toilet in my office (meant for two, but only if you're really dirty, or married) is so freaking humongous it’s bigger than my room (meant for one, I'm so lonely QQ). Life is so unfair.

Let’s go over the features, shall we? It has marble counter tops, huge hotel-like mirror, two sinks, a bathtub wider and longer than my bed, a spacious shower stall, a toilet and a bidet thingy that I assume does not work cos it’s kinda cobwebby where bidets should never be cobwebby.

It’s so big that every time I go to the toilet I join the rombongan melawat tandas. Uber man, just uber. When I’m in there, I also get the insane urge to lounge in the comfy-looking bathtub, except it’s rendered not-so-comfy because it’s strewn with old newspapers.

Hmmm, perhaps strewn is not the right word to use. I suspect the management had someone cover up the tub to prevent workers from longing in the bathtub, so they’re instead forced to lounge in the extremely comfortable chairs at their workstations while Sam Hui’s Japanese Girl blares loudly from the speakers.

Working life is so tough man.

WTB RL aimbots for men

You know the one thing I don’t like about sharing toilets with guys? Imagine a bladder about to burst. Imagine your smug know-it-all friend (or mom) saying, “Here’s an idea. Next time, try to pee before your bladder fills to bursting?”

Now imagine running into the toilet in a cold sweat, fuelled by horrible images of a literal burst bladder and a mixture of pee and blood and whatever else is in your bladder running down your leg in rivulets. Imagine surviving the rest of your life with no bladder, and imagine living down the notoriety of being forever known as The Girl Whose Bladder Burst.

You think that’s the worst thing? God no. No no no no. The worst thing is making it to the toilet and just as you’re about to take your pants off, you feel something wet and slightly sticky on your feet.

Face looks down. Face reflects confuzzledment. Realisation dawns. Face contorts in disgust and anger. Face screws up in pain.

Congratulations, your bladder has now burst because instead of peeing, you stopped to investigate why your feet were steeped in a puddle of pee, fresh from the urethra of some testosterone-filled jock who cannot aim.

Nice one, guys.

It’s not like the toilet bowl is two inches in diameter, thus making it insanely hard for even Stojakovic to hit the target all the time. The freaking thing is like 3 feet wide, you could drive a truck there and not miss, which is the whole bloody point.

And please don’t plead inconsistent pee volume, cos
1) If your pee velocity fluctuates that much, I think you need to seek help, and fast.
2) If you aim properly, even as the velocity wanes its not gonna fall that short.
3) If it does, you should know better and freaking stand closer to the bowl already!

I’ll avoid voicing the insinuation that you’re perhaps not as well endowed as you thought you were. Oops…

Hmmm, first time I’ve actually written a post with helpful suggestions. Milestone or what? ;)

June 05, 2007

DND @ work

Saffron is officially a productive member of society, and no longer one of the 80,000-strong army of unemployed graduates Malaysia proudly boasts of.

I’m employed, and paid real money not beer, with EPF deductions and all, so I'm officially grown up HUZZAH!

In addition to blogging and spamming chatboxes, I also thought of "inspiring names" for phallic buildings that are the physical equivalent of e-peens, and came up with Hallmark-like sayings for an annual dinner invitation card, so there will be absolutely NO questioning of my productivity thanks.

FYI for noobs, those comment-on-current-event-posts are just fillers made to look pseudo-intellectual, kthx.