June 08, 2007

WTB RL aimbots for men

You know the one thing I don’t like about sharing toilets with guys? Imagine a bladder about to burst. Imagine your smug know-it-all friend (or mom) saying, “Here’s an idea. Next time, try to pee before your bladder fills to bursting?”

Now imagine running into the toilet in a cold sweat, fuelled by horrible images of a literal burst bladder and a mixture of pee and blood and whatever else is in your bladder running down your leg in rivulets. Imagine surviving the rest of your life with no bladder, and imagine living down the notoriety of being forever known as The Girl Whose Bladder Burst.

You think that’s the worst thing? God no. No no no no. The worst thing is making it to the toilet and just as you’re about to take your pants off, you feel something wet and slightly sticky on your feet.

Face looks down. Face reflects confuzzledment. Realisation dawns. Face contorts in disgust and anger. Face screws up in pain.

Congratulations, your bladder has now burst because instead of peeing, you stopped to investigate why your feet were steeped in a puddle of pee, fresh from the urethra of some testosterone-filled jock who cannot aim.

Nice one, guys.

It’s not like the toilet bowl is two inches in diameter, thus making it insanely hard for even Stojakovic to hit the target all the time. The freaking thing is like 3 feet wide, you could drive a truck there and not miss, which is the whole bloody point.

And please don’t plead inconsistent pee volume, cos
1) If your pee velocity fluctuates that much, I think you need to seek help, and fast.
2) If you aim properly, even as the velocity wanes its not gonna fall that short.
3) If it does, you should know better and freaking stand closer to the bowl already!

I’ll avoid voicing the insinuation that you’re perhaps not as well endowed as you thought you were. Oops…

Hmmm, first time I’ve actually written a post with helpful suggestions. Milestone or what? ;)


mr-penman said...

I agree w u... I feel ashame for my own speicies sometimes too.


Saffron said...

Indeed, please educate your brethren, kk.