How to completely shrivel a guy's balls in 15 minutes

Arion is forcing me to listen to some mushy bittersweet love song. In an attempt to fob him off, I will write another embarassing post about myself.

Back in the good old days when I was still in Form 4, boys and girls in school uniforms were really cute and innocent. There was to be no holding of hands nor touching of other miscellaneous bodyparts until the crucial question has been popped and answered in the affirmative. That crucial question is, "Ah Lian, will you be my lub lub?"

OMFG I can't believe I actually typed that out.

Of course, before you jump the gun and call me sexist with the Ah Lian statement, I'll have you know I was, and am still, the proud owner of two rather harsh rejections over the course of my short life.

My nerve-tingling Ah Lian moment occured in the Coffee Bean outlet in BB Plaza. Back then, my ex and I had this habit of exchanging novels to read. I suspect that was just a very Sek Kin-ish plot to draw my interest, because I'm nothing if not a bookworm. (Evidence here)

Anyway, I remember the book he promised to lend me was about the Nan Jing Massacre, and I was supposed to read it when I got home. I would like to take the opportunity to remind everyone else that if you decide to copy this kao lui tactic, please choose a book that does not invoke images of rape, pillage and mutilation of human bodies k thx.

On that fateful day, however, my itchy hands decided to play with the book when he was fiddling with his handphone, and there was a piece of cardboard slipped in between the pages. At first, I thought it was his bookmark and wanted to return it to him, but when I turned it over it had my name on it, so naturally I kept reading. It was some sort of love poem.

After I read it, I took one look at him and I knew I blew his plans wide open. I can't help it, it's a natural-born talent that I have. Anyway, being the usual speak-before-I-think person that I was back then, I asked him, "What's this?"

At this point, it was out of sheer politeness that he didn't grab me by the scruff of my collar and shake me awake, because if there was a Stupidest Question in the World to ask, that was the winner.

He blushed. I remember thinking that it was really cute, but then he spoiled the moment by throwing the ball back into my court when he asked me if I would be his girlfriend. Like, for real.

Fuiyo, panic. It's kinda weird, cos it wasn't like I didn't know he was going to ask me that, not after the poem I just read. But I still panicked. It's really a wonder how I manage to ace my presentations. :p

Anyway, in the vein of the usual weirdness which I usually deal with things, I reacted to his question in a way that would have completely shriveled up the balls of a lesser man.

I laughed.

Out loud.

In a very crowded Coffee Bean outlet during lunch time.

And I didn't stop.

Seriously.

I think it was a laughing fit, cos I get those a lot. My Psych notes say that people deal with stress and traumatic situations very differently, though none of the case studies mentioned stated 'laughing fit' as a possible reaction, mainly because I think they were surveying sane people.

The guy just sat there and looked at me, and he didn't know what to say. Or maybe he was just too polite to jump out of his chair and put as much distance between us as humanly possible. I knew I was being very rude, and I knew I should stop, but you know sometimes when you're laughing and you want to stop, but the harder you want to the harder you laugh? Jesus, I really need help.

After 15 minutes passed (this is just a guesstimate, it could very well have been longer), I said I needed to go to the loo, and he walked me there and waited outside.

Once safely locked behind a dirty loo door, I swore at myself. How stupid can I be? I really really liked him a lot, and it appears that he likes me too, and I go and sabotage myself. I mean, seriously. A guy just wrote a mushy poem, elected to make himself as vulnerable as anyone can make themselves, and what do I do to him? I laugh in his face and I didn't stop. There're a lot of things I've done that I'm not proud of, but this is possibly the one I feel really really bad about.

So, now for the ending.

When I walked out of the loo, surprise surprise, he was still standing outside in the corridor, alongside all the other boyfriends who were waiting for their girlfriends to finish their peeing. As we walked back out to the main complex, he said, "Can you forget that I asked you to be my girlfriend and go back to being friends?"

How do I convey how I felt at the moment? I felt really, really, REALLY bad. Then, on an impulse, I slipped my hand into his, squeezed it once, and, I'm sorry for using this cliche, his face broke into a smile so wide it made me feel, well, many things. Relief that he still wants this mental bitch to be his girlfriend, happy because I didn't screw up his life, and power because I had the capacity to affect him like this.

We were happily boyfriend-girlfriend throughout the rest of our secondary school life. During that period, I was very, very nice to him. *grins* Happy ending. :)

Well, almost. After school, we maintained a long-distance relationship for half a year before breaking off, but we still keep in contact via email and he's been sending me greeting cards since then. I guess he didn't hate me.