In the vein of my usual How-Tos, I've decided to forever damn sandwich-making by putting it in the list today. Not as brainless as this, but pretty close.
Pop sandwich meat into oven for 15 seconds. While waiting for the ding!, rip off enough clingfilm or foil to wrap 2 pieces of bread. This is the part that kills me, cos I either rip off too little, which results in some creative maneuvering (read: squashing) in order to get the whole thing wrapped, or I rip off too much, which is not a big deal but then mom goes on and on about wastage.
Sidenote: never put your tongue in a place where shit comes out of. Clingfilm (never ever foil) works nicely.
Lay out two pieces of wholemeal bread. When oven goes dingly ding, lick fingertips, grab meat directly from oven and fling it onto the general vicinity of where your bread is. When done correctly, this maneuver saves time. Given enough practice, the meat will land almost squarely on top of the bread. Beginners, it is mathematically impossible for you to hit the zone the first time around, so be prepared to wipe off various surfaces (table, chair, fan, brother's head) when you miss.
Layer lettuce (or any other green of your choice) and tomatoes, squirt some mustard on, cover with the other piece of bread and press. Not squash, honey, press. Then,wrap clingfilm so that the sandwich is nicely bundled up. Note that I use 'wrap' in the loosest sense of the word. As long as the stuff you plan to put in your mouth is covered, you're safe. Hurray, done!
If you're thinking that all that takes more time than stipulated in the title, you're right. But "Mom, can you make my sandwich for me?" takes all of 10 seconds. *evil grin*
Lesson in Life #39: If you do something incompetently enough, someone (usually your mom) will do it for you instead. That's why I blow up kitchens when I cook, uh huh.
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3 comments:
I dread to think about the day when I start a family and expected to be good in the kitchen. What's worse is that, gals these days rarely step into the kitchen (unlike you lah - at least u make sandwiches :P).
Hahahah, that's exactly what my sister does. She would do stupid things, until mum gets annoyed and does it for her. :P
@Narrowband:
Easy solution is to find a wife who can cook. Or employ a reliable maid. Or better still, be rich enough to either a) eat out a lot, or b)employ a full-time cook.
Easy, innit? ;)
@Bawang:
I think I would be great friends with your sister. :)
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