January 14, 2005

Kids bare the oddest body parts

A few days ago...

Me: "Hello?"

Curt, gruff. Haven't had lunch yet and I get a little cranky when I'm hungry, only I don't know it's because I'm hungry.

Squeaky disjointed voice on phone: "Hello? Ah Laine jie jie ah?"

That's not really my name. They just like to call me that.

Cranky ogre: "Yes la, who's this?"

Squeaky disjointed voice on phone: "I'm Ah Hong ah. I got a question to ask you ah jie jie,"

Sure is some stupid math question. Luckily he's still in primary school, so I don't have to mess up my brain thinking about stupid Physics equations. Should use a more grumpy voice so he quits asking after question number 5.

Cranky ogre: "Gong la,"

Squeaky disjointed voice on phone: "What is blowjob?"

Cranky ogre sputtered into the phone. It must be a mistake, I just heard wrongly. It's all my dad's fault for buying a cheap-ass wireless phone that has absolutely no quality at all. Pull out the whole antenna thingy also static like heck. Standing on the balcony also static like heck.

Cranky and nervous ogre: "What do you mean? How do you spell that?"

Squeaky disjointed voice on phone: "Blowjob ah. B-L-O-W-J-O-B."

Cranky and nervous ogre: "Who ask you this one? You online now ah?"

Squeaky disjointed voice on phone: "Yes lor, my friend on MSN ask me what is blowjob,"

I thought he was surfing for porn, the bastard. Okay, not a bastard anymore. He just needs better friends. Hmmm, okay. Do I explain what a blowjob is to him? The kid's 10, he has no business knowing what adults like to do to other adults. Does he? Jesus, that's not a question I should be answering, I've never even entertained the thought of having kids before, much less what kids should be hearing at 10! Right, parents! Ask his mom!

Close-to-panic-attack ogre: "Err, err, your mommy at home or not?"

Squeaky disjointed voice on phone: "She's taking nap wor."

Close-to-panic-attack ogre: "Wake her up la!"

You can see I have absolutely no sympathy at all for stay-at-home moms who choose napping over answering their inquisitive son's questions about uncomfortable things like this.

Close-to-panic-attack ogre: "Who's your friend? From school ah? Why he ask you question like this geh?"

Squeaky disjointed voice on phone: "Yes lor. He say his friend ask him wor,"

Close-to-panic-attack ogre: "Tell him to ask his mommy la."

Squeaky disjointed voice on phone: "Hah?"

Ooh, bad move. That could get everyone in trouble.

Ogre in panic attack: "Okay, I tell you now. You go and tell your friend that's what married people do. If he wants further explanation tell him to ask his mom. Or you can ask your mom when she wakes up? Okay? Settle? Byebye,"

Squeaky disjointed voice on phone: "Bye bye jie jie,"

***

As clearly illustrated in the example above, I cannot handle kids at all. Adults I can manage, you either yell or sweet talk. Kids are a whole new breed of... things that should never be allowed to use the phone to call hungry and unsuspecting cousin sisters for information.

Parents, what do you say when your kid tosses out something like this?


Minor scribbles:
jie jie: sister. In this case it means cousin sister, cos I'm his cousin. Bleah.

7 comments:

seth.frostheart said...

lol.. good.. uh.. save Saffy... if you can call tht a save, haha...

how old is he/she? man, kids these days...

Jay said...

Hope he wasn't in a chatroom!

Anonymous said...

I would have probably gone like this

What!!!! Errr... wrong number la *click*

Heheheh

Resurrected said...

Aiyo. The world has changed. I never heard that term in primary school.

narrowband said...

Hahaha... That was hilarious! I don't think I can possibly educate a 10-year old that sorta stuff too.

Saffron said...

@Frosty:
It wasn't a save at all. :( I took a direct hit. :( I don't like being thrown into situations like this. :(

@Jay:
You know, I never asked. The kid told his mom when she woke up so it was a happy ending. I think she really shouldn't sleep much. *grins*

@Bawang:
That wouldn't work at all, he'd only call back. :( But then that would probably buy me some time to think of an answer, heheh.

@Res:
I never heard of the term until I was in Form 3. :p I was so innocent, heheh.

@Sphere:
I wonder where my cousin's friend heard it from...and I don't think I want to know. :p

@Narrowband:
If it were my kid I'd probably know what to do, cos you're supposed to think about stuff like this before getting pregnant. Getting caught off-guard is so annoying.

S£ΔNNΔ said...

Actually I never heard of the term "blowjob" till I was in college. However, in primary, there was this mysterious word know as "f-u-c-k" going around. I never found out what it meant till Form 2 or so. :p

And Saffy, it's so easy lah. You just go,

You: Yes? What is it?

Kid: What is a blowjob?

You: Oh. A blowjob ah. It's something like what baby animals do to get milk from the momma animal, but just different a bit. And it's for adults to worry about. Children like you don't have to worry about such things. Leave the worrying to us. Now go play with your friends or something. *kiss child on forehead and send him off*