Why You Don't Want To Date A Gamer

Reason Number 5: Gamers speak a different language altogether
...and I don't just mean 1337 sp34k.

At the 70% off bins during MNG sales.
"Eh, tank for me while I try to bust in, ya?"

When he notices that the entire rear end of his car has been decimated by an incompetent driver who never looks in the rearview mirror when reversing.
"I'm gonna frag that freaking SOB!"

After a male's spending ability is significantly limited by him 'handing over' his paycheck to his girlfriend for 'safekeeping', he moans to his mates.
"I've been goddam nerfed!"

Minutes after a drinking competition in which he wins.
"I r0x0r your b0x0r!!!" (the geekiness shines through even though gamers are doing something normal and cool like consuming large amounts of alcohol)

Imagine trying to understand all that. Who has the time? You're better off dating someone normal who doesn't speak in riddles, yes?

Reason Number 4: Gamers make obscure (to you) cultural references when dealing with everyday stuff
Pretend you finally managed to drag your gamer boyfriend off to a pub and you're dancing and having fun when suddenly some uncle sidles over and starts hitting on you. Your boyfriend might very well scream "Nobody steals our chicks and lives!" before trying to smack the guy's fist with his face.

Or him going, "CHA-CHING! Hahaha!" when he manages to break open a kuaci without having small bits of shell in his mouth. This mightn't be very bad, but then there's only so many times you can tolerate your guy saying, "What is your major malfunction?" whenever you say 'we need to talk.' Or saying "Your face, your ass, what's the difference?" with a smarmy grin when you're sexy and horny in the bedroom. Oof, moodkiller baby.

Reason Number 3: Dating
Your idea of a night out is going for dinner and a movie. Or embedding shotgun pellets into a dummy doll followed by a nice romantic picnic dinner on the beach. You know, whatever floats your boat.

His idea of a night out is joining up on the Lineage II server and hunting some werewolf mobs. Or maybe whispering sweet nothings to each other on the private RO server that his friend set up. If you're dating seriously old school gamers then a night out may be a pen-and-paper D&D where he's the Orc barbarian and you're his cleric healer.

Because relationships are give-and-take, you may want to oblige him by getting together in the MMORPG world every once in a while because after all, he did agree to go with you to Zouk last week. This is a bad thing to do, because once you start 'obliging him' he will take it as a sign that you have the spirit of an inherent geek in you, and you just need to cultivate it.


Eventually, "getting together in the MMORPG world" will replace phonecalls and real dates, and you'll find yourself wearing identical armour to replicate the real world CLZ Syndrome and getting married ala RO style complete with virtual rice and have your other MMORPG friends cheering your union. Just hope that a hostile mob doesn't spawn out of nowhere and ruin your virtual wedding the way rain ruins a real one. For picture references, go here and here.

(In the second pic, the pumpkin scarecrows and the cute little pink round things wearing santa hats are monsters. The sprites lying on the ground are dead people. The only female left standing is an NPC. What a way to end a wedding. *grins*)

Reason Number 2: Gifts
For your birthday, he may get you one of these. That's a LOTR TTT (Platinum Series Special Extended Edition Collector's Gift Set) from Amazon.com, complete with a scaled-down model of Gollum. Yeah, it's a nice movie, but Gollum? Gollum?? But hey, at least it's not a D20 gift set.

And finally, reason Number 1: In 10 years's time...
You know you want to be more important than StarCraft 2.



Notes:
1337 sp34k: language invented by CS players (I think) where alphabets are replaced by numerals. Somehow they think this is funny nd amusing to do.
tank: In RPGs, usually a character with high Strength and Constitution, used as a shield for weaker characters in a party like mages and rogues. Imagine a wrestler. Big, strong, loud and tough, but with no skills.
nerf: situation where your character's abilities have been lowered after some tweaking. Happens when new patches are released for games.
frag: another word for "I will shoot your brains out and drag your bloody entails all over the floor". Used in FPS games, origins rumoured to be from the Vietnam War. I'm too lazy to look it up, Charlie.
R0x0r your b0x0r: another word for "I own you, noob!"
Kuaci: pumpkin seeds.
CLZ: Ching Lui Zhong, which is cantonese for bad taste. Certain couples like to wear similar clothing (colour, style, pattern, etc) whenever they're out of the confines of their own home. Losing your individual identity and fusing into one single mass just because you're dating isn't exactly my idea of fun, but hey, what do I know?
NPC: Non Playable Character. Self-explanatory.
StarCraft 2: Most anticipated game of all time, and the reason why Blizzard can do no wrong. :)

"Nobody steals our chicks and lives!" uttered by Duke Nukem <3.
"CHA-CHING! Hahaha!" uttered by Tanya.
"What is your major malfunction?" uttered by the Siegetank.
"Your face, your ass, what's the difference?" uttered by Duke Nukem <3.

RO pics from RO Empire.