Exam nerves and pyschosis

It's been a while since I've had exam nerves, and to be honest, I'm too bloody old for this. Exam nerves are for the inexperienced 16s, not the inexperienced 21s. I blame it on my own expectations.

I think it's a relatively Chinese thing to go and speak to those shadowy fortune-teller people who sit by the tokong with their slips of papers with calligraphy on it, and a thick, worn out red book resting on top of their rickety tables. Ok, so that's a description from the HK serial dramas and I've never actually seen one of these mysterious mediums before, but I was nonetheless subjected to their all-seeing scrutiny.

::Picture taken from Mutant Frog Travelogue::

Every mother, or in my case, grandmother, who visits these clairvoyants are bound to hit them with one question, will my daughter marry a rich man, preferably a doctor or a lawyer, and will he be nice to her/not cheat/provide for her/leave her all his property and misc assets upon his death?

My maternal grandmother gave my Chinese name, birthdate, time of birth, weight upon arrival to this world, colour of my hair and number of waggedy fingers (10! Glorious number) to this clairvoyant lady and she rattled off a list of characteristics that supposedly defined my person. Scarily enough, most of them are turning out to be true. Maybe it's because I've known about this and have unconsciously been shaping my life in order to fit The Prophecy.

Wow, that almost made me sound like the main character in an RPG. w00tness.

Anyway, before I digress further and lose the already-obscure point of this blog, the medium lady took one look at all my information and said that while I was relatively smart, (meaning I can count to 21 without taking off my pants. Oh wait...) I lack drive and ambition. She also said a whole load of other things, but this is the only printable one, so bleh.

You may be wondering what's the relevance between the first paragraph with the following ten. The point is, I like my lack of drive and ambition, because it makes my life easier. I spent almost three years in APIIT, and during my final 2 semesters, which is about 6 months long in total, I missed about 4 months of it due to illness, and with a heart as calm as the lakes that sleep, I marched into the exam hall, crapped a shitload on how to perform quality control in a manufacturing organisation, and passed all my subjects.

Therein lies the difference between wanting just a pass and wanting to score an A. With the pass all I have to do is read some of my notes and relax, eat some fruits and maybe play a game of Gunbound or two while I'm at it. You know, to clear the mind. With the A, fuiyo. All the while I'm cramming on my notes I have to wonder how they might phrase the question and completely freak out when I can't remember how many times the Printing Presses and Publications Act was amended. (4)

I can also sleep at night without staring at my ceiling, which, incidentally, is very big indeed.

I want my lack of drive back! I don't want the adrenaline of a pumping heart 12 hours before my exams, and I don't want to toss and turn all night without being able to sleep. I want to be mellow without resorting to alcohol and I want to be cool and calm, not walking around the corridors screeching Close To You like a parrot on valium.

Coming soon to a blog near you, 10 Reasons Why APIIT Sucks!