Personal Grooming

I figured it's time for a scandalous post. So this is going to be wildly inappropriate for minors (yes you, jailbait), people who have a problem with sex, people who have a problem with girls talking about sex, and just to be safe, people who have a problem with sex-related material. Basically, if you're the kind of person likes vanilla sex, this is probably gonna be uncomfortable for you, so if you are, please click on the little x on the top right corner of your browser before you are scarred for life.

How's that for a disclaimer? *grins*

Ok, so recently I was bitten by the weird bug and have been going around asking the people who chat with me if they preferred their women shaved, trimmed or just natural. If you're thinking, 'But women don't have moustaches...' that's another little hint that you have to click on the little x on your browser right now.

In a period of around 3 days, I've asked that question to 10 male friends. I'm gonna pull out some responses now, quoted verbatim (grammar and spelling mistakes corrected), and more importantly, quoted anonymously, so don't worry, my dear friends. Your perverse fantasies are safe with me.

Friend #1: such a diatribe should be referred to the expert opinions of Mr. (name censored to protect privacy)

I’m sure you’ll all agree with me that this was a very pathetic attempt to fob me off. Fortunately for me, and unfortunately for him, I am as tenacious as a bulldog. I’m told guys don’t like that. Anyway, after a few minutes of prodding, he finally answered,

Friend #1: Am I being too vague? "Natural", there, is that direct enough for ya? :P

Friend #2: I like 'the landing strip' :P"

Which is also known as the Brazilian.

Friend #3: aesthetically shaved, for all other purposes, I guess a natural bush. Trimmed is nice for special occasions.

Which is a long-winded way of saying normal sex = natural, special occasions = trimmed, anniversaries = shaved. Mathematical equations are so fun when the answer doesn’t involve deriving dy and dx. Friend #3 also helpfully suggested that "shaved too often usually is a sign of high maintenance lol." Further prodding yielded this:

Friend #3: it’s like someone who puts too much makeup on or takes too much time on their hair.
Friend #3: I guess it reflects my own personality
Friend #3: I shave when its a really special occasion

Since this fler’s having so much fun talking about this subject, I figured I’d throw in a supplementary question and asked him if he would let a woman with a razor near his balls. It yielded some pretty hilarious responses from the both of us, and made for a very interesting chat.

Friend #3: Um...depends on the girl. I mean, would I let the same girl near my balls with her teeth?

Pretty astute, though personally I think a razor would do more damage than teeth. The moral of the story here is to never piss off the woman you’re gonna let loose on your balls or the surrounding area. Better safe than having a very important part of your anatomy in ice.

Friend #4: It would be shaved, as in shaved down to nothing.

Friend #5: Brazilian, baby! All the way!

You can read the excitement from way over where you are, right? When I told him that that’s waxing and doesn’t count, he retorted that "a woman can always shave a Brazilian." Ok, point taken. I asked why he started salivating at the very mention of the Brazilian.

Friend #5: I dunno. It’s just very erotic. And I do NOT salivate. I have what people normally refer to as 'class'.

You can still hear me laughing.

Friend #6: I'd have to say trimmed. If she'd do it with the 'landing strip' I'd be a very happy man.
Friend #6: shaved is too much work, and it itches when it grows out
Friend #6: wouldn't want my girl to go through that.
Friend #6: ...though going down on her would be easier

Friend #7: I'd have to think shaved...

His answer to the supplementary question:

Friend #7: I do believe that would take a certain amount of trust...And a very steady hand...

Friend #8: Shaved brazillian.

Friend #9: it's up to her, I don't mind.

Nice try. I poked him a few times before he responded again, with the following results.

Friend #9: fine. I like the brazilian. Don't ask me why.

Of course, me being me, I ignored the latter part of his answer. More prodding ensued.

Friend #9: it's sexy, saffy. Why do men like naked women?

Because he's so testy, I decided to ask him the supplementary question as well.

Friend #9: WTH is wrong with you???
Friend #9: no, I would probably not let a woman with a razor near my balls unless she's willing to let me shave her.
Friend #9: I fully expect compensation in the form of nude pictures for putting up with your incessant questions this early in the morning.

Friend #10: its a tough call... haha... uhm, neatly trimmed one take the points i guess...
Friend #10: a shaved one comes close but a natural bush, is a no-no...
Friend #10: I dont want to have pubes between my teeth when I go down on her can? haha...
Friend #10: and I enjoy going down.. very much

Ladies, don't bother asking me for Friend #10's phone number/ICQ contact/email addy. He's taken. :) Okay, now for the supplementary question. For those with short attention spans, "Would you let a woman with a razor near your balls?"

Friend #10: uhm yea.. I would let a woman with a razor near my balls...
Friend #10: providing tht I'm pretty sure I havent done her any wrong in my lifetime so far... haha...

So at final count,

Natural = 2
Trimmed = 6 (out of which 5 mentioned the Brazilian)
Shaved = 2

Now for the analysis part. Why do men prefer the Brazilian? FYI, a Brazilian usually refers to waxing, though the scaredy-cats among us could resort to shaving, I suppose. The wax removes everything (front and back) except for a strip of hair about one to two finger's width in front.

I suppose it’s like wearing sexy lingerie (that’s not tacky). A nude woman lounging on a bed is a pretty sight, but it doesn’t excite the mind the way, say a woman in a form-fitting lycra dress with no noticeable bra/briefs ridges. You know she’s not wearing anything underneath, but it’s exciting to imagine what she looks like without the all the lycra. It should be said here that lycra is not the most user-friendly material. Not everyone should wear Speedos, not everyone should wear lycra.

Maybe the Brazilian blows the fuses cos it exposes a lot, but for all purposes it also hides the most important part a guy’s gunning for when he sees a naked woman. A little research told me that ripping your pubes out by the roots is very popular in America, specifically, Manhattan. If this fad catches on in Malaysia, well, welcome to Pain-Slutville.

And this is the story of how I spent the past 3 days. Yeah, I was pretty bored.

Now I need to go pray that none of my relatives are going to stumble upon this blog and kill me the next time they see me. You know, for shaming the family name and all that. *grins*

Note: Impromptu survey conducted through a period of 3 days, survey sample size about 10. Saffron has studied Business Research Methods and passed the subject, so the methodology was, needless to say, quite flawless. I never mentioned the Brazilian or the landing strip until the recipient of the question mentioned it. Many thanks extended to the people who have answered honestly, and who put up with my weirdness on a daily basis.

I swear I'll give it another 3 months before I ask weird stufff again.