Like every other KL dweller out there, and probably every other Malaysian out there, I view yellow traffic lights as a challenge. I also have an uncanny feeling that this is not an attitude that is uniquely Malaysian, unlike the practice of eating durians with rice.

Whoever said yellow lights are there so that drivers can prepare to stop their vehicles was obviously high on ganja or something, because not even the meek old lady in a small apple-green Kancil prepares to stop at yellow lights. No sirree, she chokes her puny little 600cc engine, and you hear sounds that no living human should ever hear, mainly the revving of a Kancil engine, and she screeches past the traffic-lighted junction a split second before the light turns red. I can still hear the shriek echoing in my brain. Wow.

Kiddies, if you're reading this blog, you are not supposed to! It basically operates on the same rule as pr0nsites. Or, if you really really want to read this, we (meaning myself and any other persona I talk about in here) are not good rolemodels. Pay special attention to them underlined parts.

It's actually been 2 years since I got my driver's license, so maybe I'm horrendously outdated, but sometimes I'm forced to wonder what exactly they teach driving students these days. Running yellow lights is normal, there's nothing to see, move along now. Running yellow lights right after they've switched to red is also normal, but frowned upon by Mr Policeman, so better not do that unless you're sure there's no policeman hiding inside the monsoon drain or squinting from behind a prickly bush. Of course you can still do that if you're prepared to fork over a hefty bribe. Or if you're a girl just practice crying, I've heard it helps.

Just the other day, I had the misfortune of not being able to make it past a yellow light, and had to slam on the emergency brakes, which, incidentally, doesn't happen very often. The slamming of the brakes, I mean. So there I was, sitting in my car, (the only car on the road) and warbling along to 'You Oughta Know' like a bitch in heat, when out of the corner of my eye I saw this bike zip past me. Across the junction. Where the traffic lights were glowing red like the eyes of demonic people in photographs.

So I thought, hey, it's a bike, no big deal, and then I settled back into the seats and continued my version of 'singing'. Then another bike puttered past me, an old uncle at the wheel. Shrugging, I thought that's what people on bikes do. They start playing with bikes at the age of 12, they drive around without helmets, they run red lights, they somehow manage to parallel-drive at 20kmph while chatting with each other, they ferry 5 people at one sitting (driver, wife and 3 kids hung precariously from various protruding steel parts of the bike, of which I cannot identify) and 2/3s of all accidents involving bikes aren't their fault. Sure.

And then a lorry rumbled past me, followed by a red Honda Coupe. Of course the Honda didn't rumble, it more like whooshed, kinda like a bullet but not as fast. At this point I thought maybe I had my colour-blind glasses on, and so I craned my neck to look at the traffic light one more time, just to make sure my brain registered the right colour. Sure enough, I was right. (whew, for a while there I really thought it was green but I didn't notice. That's actually a recurring nightmare I have.)

Anyway, the point is, is this some new fad where a red light doesn't really mean 'Stop', it means 'you used to have to Stop, but now you can ignore it depending on your mood'? Obviously I don't need to go into the dangers of not obeying traffic lights. It's very elementary, it's the law. Red light = stop. Green light = go. Yellow light = hazy territory, interpret it as you will. If someone from the opposing side hits the accelerator because he thought green light means go while some smart ass thought red light means go, well, that's why car accidents happen. God forbid if any one of those parties were pedestrians.

When I first got my license, my mother told me that if I'm the first car at a traffic light that has changed from red to green, always wait five seconds before stepping on the accelerator, just in case some people on the other side decide to run the red light. Fine, I agreed with her, that's very do-able, and it happens. I run red lights too sometimes, so I can understand the rationale behind that. However, if I see a green light that has been green for, say 30 seconds, it wouldn't have crossed my mind to look out for other cars. I suppose now's the time to start paying attention to that.

Somehow, for the people in KL, it seems like the law isn't really the law sometimes. Case in point, 'no parking' sign means 'let's play a game to see how many stationary cars we can cram on a one lane street without blocking traffic'. Or heck, who cares if you block traffic, we're KL dwellers. Another case in point, how many 'dilarang membuang sampah di sini, denda RM500' signs can you count that actually has no rubbish dumped around it? It's like some ironic joke the people play on the authorities, you won't find any rubbish anywhere except for the area around that sign. It's enough to make the authorities blow a blood vessel. Not that it's a bad thing, hey.

Conclusion: The roads are dangerous. There is no enforcement of traffic laws. Malaysian have a weird (crazy weird) sense of humour.

Well, this sure is a twisted, convoluted piece of...thing. If you made it this far, pat yourself on the back and have a cookie. Go ahead, my treat. *grins*