Hope springs eternal

For some reason I've been despondently melancholic lately. You know it's bad when I start to use redundant words like "despondently melancholic".

I've been thinking back about this couple I once met. It was at a Chinese wedding dinner, and we all know how those suck. Anyway, that was the one dinner in my entire life where I came out profoundly touched by the magic of 2 people being together, and it has nothing to do with the bride and the groom. It's all about this old couple I watched the entire night.

The lady was in a wheelchair, and she was frail. It was difficult for her to hold up her chopsticks, and I could see she had difficulty with feeding herself. The man, her husband, was very attentive. He was attuned to her every need, and seemed to know when she needed what. He took care of her, cut her food into manageable portions, and helped her nudge her food onto her spoon with his chopsticks so that she could eat. Throughout the night he was sitting with her, and it wasn't like he was there in body but not in spirit. He sat talking to her, sharing jokes, and only ate when he was sure she was ok.

As is the tradition, the newlyweds have to drink with everyone, and pose for photographs with the older generation. This man didn't want to leave his wife's side because he was afraid she wouldn't be able to cope. I don't think he was away from her side for more than 5 minutes throughout the night. Near the end of the dinner, the man looked at his wife and she shook her head, but he still pushed his bowl of chilled lin chi kang over to her with a smile on his face. They held hands as he pushed her out of the banquet hall.

Later I heard from a relative that they'd been married for close to 40 years.

There's a particular dialogue that I remember quite vividly. It's with this friend of mine, who once complained to me that her now ex-boyfriend never really said "I love you" to her. They'd been together for 5 years and he never once said anything about getting married. She says he never gave her flowers, chocolates and clothes, and never surprised her with gifts. Too many Hollywood romantic comedies, methinks.

What he does do now, is buy her lozenges when she has a sore throat. He boils porridge for her to eat whenever she's sick. He drives to Kajang to buy her the satay she likes, and he lives in Cheras. He lets her have all of the Chinese preserved cabbage when they go for teochew porridge, because he knows how much she likes them. He brings along a pink sweater every time they go for a movie, because he knows she will get cold, and that she will never remember herself.

He's now with a girl who doesn't need Valentine's Day, flowers and chocolates to make her happy.

I don't see what's inside, obviously. All I can see is what the relationship looks like on the outside. But then again, anyone who tells me they've never had an argument with their bf/gf is either having a meaningful relationship with their sex toys or plain lying. Relationships were never meant to be easy, and they never work unless both people work.

Maybe that's all there is to it. Someone who sticks around despite all the problems. Maybe it's not the earth-shattering you-jump-I-jump romance, but someone who cares enough to give you the sour mangoes because he knows they're what you like.

What're the chances we'll all get what we want? To be honest, I'm a pessimist; I don't think I'll get my happy ending in the end. I'll probably have to settle for being alone and looking after my brother's kids. But looking around and seeing people like that makes me feel happy, because people like that exist, and that happy endings DO in fact happen in real life.

This is my last sappy post for the month. Actually, it gets sappier if you're listening to Sun Yan Zi's Yu Jian while you're reading this. Anyway, last sappy post for the month. Cross my heart.