Things to do before going to prom

Being asked to go to prom as a date of the askee is pretty romantic, no? Unfortunately, it's not as much fun when you know you're the backup date because no one else is desperate/blind/adventurous/stupid enough to go with him. :p

So, Some Things I Need to Do Before Going to Prom:

One: find contact lenses

Because girlies look better in strapless evening dresses in contact lenses than in dorky specs. Unfortunately, I look like this if I wear em for more than 4 hours. More bad news: I think my lenses have expired, cos the last time I wore em was two years ago. Dare I chance it? Cataracts are extremely gross, I'm told, but I'm too cheapskate to go get myself a new pair of lenses.

Two: find dress
You generally need to be clothed in order to impress people socially, unless you're built like Angelina Jolie, in which case you can parade around with nary a stitch on and people'll still cheer. Or try to stab you with their jealous death stares, whatever.

My hottie friend with a body that makes men want to do naughty things to her has a lot of pretty gowns. Unfortunately, I'm flat as a slat and built like a boy, so none of that would fit me. I'm trying to see the logic in blowing more than RM100 on a dress I'll wear 0.8 times a year, if I'm lucky (running out of relatives to marry off), when I only spend about 40 bucks on jeans that I wear everyday.

Nope, doesn't work out.

Three: find make-up
I own a tube of lip stick (expired), mascara (ditto) and a stick of colourless lip balm (hijacked by the Oaf). He's not a trannie, btw. He just has fugly chapped lips. Now I have to borrow makeup from friends because I'm not terribly partial towards my mom's blood red lipstick and auntie-style makeup. Ever notice how auntie-fied women always wear blood red lipstick? I wonder if that's a requirement to join the Almost-50 Club.

Reminder to self: Also enlist help of erection-inspiring hottie friend in application, cos I always manage to stab myself in the eye while wielding the mascara stick.

Maybe my mom will read the first paragraph and kill me before prom rolls around.

Four: find shoes
I own a pair of pale pink (now dirty-looking) running shoes that I wear everywhere, a pair of sparkly sandals that I wear whenever "formal" exists in the dress-code, and a pair of clunky man-style slippers that I wear to the pasar malam or to 2020 for my supper. (if you live in Pandan Indah you'll know where it is) I also have a pair of inch-high wedges I bought on a whim.

Obviously none of these can be worn to prom, and it's kinda tough to find flats that flatter a prom dress. Unfortunately, I can't walk in heels. I can stand pretty spectacularly though.

Saffron admires women who can walk in heels. Respect maut. She has even more admiration for women who can run in stilettos. Tabik hormat.

Five: practice talking normally to complete strangers
Easier said than done. I wish we could revert back to stone-age grunting and moaning to communicate. Less chances of committing embarrassing faux pas, eep.

The whole point of this whole post is to play the sympathy card and ask if anyone would like to go to prom with my friend. He's pretty well-built with a head full of shaggy hair that falls into his eyes, and he's quite tall. When sober, he's also relatively intelligent and can debate chemical reactions. The downside of him being drunk is that he likes to talk about physics equations, and he drives like a maniac, drunk OR sober. Any takers? Free food and drink beckons, and I'll owe you a debt of gratitude.

Image of the Evil Eye monster taken from DarkFallOnline.